My major breakdown Friday night

Friday night, I was sitting on couch with a glass of wine and watching Grey’s Anatomy. I looked down at the baby monitor, watching Jace sleep, and bursted into tears. I felt like the worst mom in the world.

See, Jace had been a pain most of the day. He’s 11 months old, and at our current state he spends the day crawling up the stairs/falling down the stairs (which he knows he’s not supposed to do), biting me (which he knows he’s not supposed to do), and throwing all his food on the floor at every meal (which he knows he’s not supposed to do). Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed with the sweetest, kindest, happiest baby in the world. But on Friday he was a lot to handle. Plus, Mario had been out of town the last few days, which made the days seem so much longer.

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I found myself constantly looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until bedtime. Two more hours. One more hour. 30 more minutes. The heck with it, you’re going to bed early kid.

That brings me to the moment I looked down at Jace’s monitor. There he was- sound asleep. So peaceful. So sweet. My little osito. (that’s what I call him. It means “little bear” in Spanish). I felt horrible that all day I couldn’t wait for him to go to sleep. I didn’t enjoy the moments I got to spend with him. You would think someone who spends a few days a week on the road would be more appreciative of the time they have with their child. I thought, “I hope he doesn’t know that I felt that way.”  You should see how big he smiles when we’re playing together. He loves it so much. And there’s me, looking at the clock wondering when he’s going to bed. Mom fail.

Mario called and talked me off the ledge. He also told me to put the glass of wine down. I promised myself I would do better tomorrow. I was going to enjoy every waking minute. I couldn’t undo how I felt today, but tomorrow I was going to be a better mom.

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Fast forward to this afternoon… when Jace decided he didn’t need a nap… so ya, I’m looking at the clock again. It’s ok, tomorrow I’ll be a better mom.

 

 

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