Dish soap, a hairdryer, a hammer, an epic fight, and this dang toy car

Tip: if you need to use liquid soap, a hairdryer, and a hammer to built your kid’s toy, PUT IT BACK IN THE BOX AND TAKE IT BACK. Not kidding. Don’t even attempt to put it together. It will only cause lasting pain on your marriage. And your kid will only play with than dang thing for 10 minutes. Trust me, I’m not the only one. A little google search led me to several stories that ended in near divorce. IMG_0093

Here’s the backstory. My mom bought Jace the Cozy Coupe Sports Car for his 1st birthday. Mimi was so excited to buy him his first car. The car arrived in about 30 pieces, which I had expected. My mom even warned me that the car was known to be “difficult” to put together. Whatever. I consider myself a master at building furniture from Ikea. This thing couldn’t possibly be worse…

About halfway through the assembly, we hit a speed bump. I could not get part C into part D. The directions literally said to use liquid dish soap to make the pieces fit together. Hey geniuses at Little Tikes- how about next time you make a car that doesn’t require lubricant to put the pieces together?! Then I tried using the hammer. That didn’t work either. That’s when I asked for my husband’s help. That’s when this story takes a dark turn.

Like most men, Mario doesn’t like to read directions. He just uses his super human strength to put the parts together. Except when he did it, he put the parts together in the wrong order, and forgot to put the door on. Oh, and you can’t take it apart once it’s been put together. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: “You did it wrong! You forgot to put the door on.”

Mario: “What? You didn’t tell me it had to go on first!”

Me: “I gave you the directions. Don’t you know how to read?”

Mario: “It’s not my fault. You should have told me.”

Me: “Not your fault? Then whose fault is it?”

Door slams.

At this point, I go into panic mode. My mom keeps texting me to see pictures of Jace in the car. I can’t tell her it’s broken. So I start searching all over Craigslist and Facebook to find a used, already assembled car. Nothing. I can’t find the exact same model. My mom bought the special “sports edition”. Lovely.  Meanwhile, Mario and I are still not speaking.

I called the folks at Little Tikes to ask for more parts. They arrived 3-5 business days later. Sorry Mimi, it’s going to take another week before you get to see pictures of your grandson in his dang car.

After about an hour, Mario comes down stairs to apologize. We proceeded to have a serious conversation about whether we should have a second kid. If we can’t handle building a toy car, how are you going to manage two kids? I’m All of this because of this freaking toy car! Don’t worry Mimi, You’ll get another grandbaby.

Fast forward a week later. The new parts arrive. Mario’s at work, and I decided for the sake of my marriage, to try this thing by myself.  I’ve done lots of research by now, and fellow parents said to use a hair dryer to melt the plastic. Genius! (although, I still attest that if you have to melt plastic to get the parts to fit, send it back.) The hairdryer worked. The car is complete. I birthed an 7 pound human, but this car will go down as my greatest accomplishment in life. You think I’m kidding? Read other horror stories. This is the greatest headline ever. http://thatschurch.com/2011/05/16/insert-a-into-b-and-hammer-like-a-mother/ 
Jace actually loves the thing. Was it worth it? eh. Next time I’m just going to ask my parents to send used toys. Mimi wants to send him the Little Tikes kitchen, but according to the blogs, that thing is even worse.

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